Tuesday, 13 July 2010
Spoof stories about the Taliban training ‘killer monkeys’ have been circulating around the net for a few days now. Such stories can often be found on the pages of the Onion and other such diverting sites. So it was a bit of a surprise to see that the story has been taken up by the People’s Daily Online, main organ of the Chinese Communist Party.
Quoting from a “recent report by a British-based media agency”, the People’s Daily says the agency spotted the said monkey soldiers holding AK47s and Bren light machine guns while its reporter was in the Waziristan Tribal region”. I have included above an exclusive photograph showing one of these devil creatures in action.
There is a clear logic to this incredible development in modern warfare, says the PD: “In a sense, the emergence of "monkey soldiers" is the result of asymmetrical warfare. The United States launched the war in Afghanistan using the world's most advanced weapons such as highly-intelligent robots to detect bombs on roadsides and unmanned aerial vehicles to attack major Taliban targets. In response, the Taliban forces have tried any possible means and figured out a method to train monkeys as "replacement killers" against American troops.”
I knew I should have read my tracts of asymmetric warfare more closely. And what is worse is that the despicable Taliban are hoping to use animal rights activists in the West to force the withdrawal of troops on the grounds that they are inflicting terrible cruelty on the poor little simians. What an awful adversary are these Talibs. Whatever next! Murdering marmots?
Posted by Nick Fielding at 18:25